And On This Farm: January 2012

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Grandpa Allen

The last two weeks or so I've been really missing my grandpa. He passed away almost three years ago, but he's been on my mind almost every day for the past few weeks. He was a very special person in my life. He and my grandmother lived next door to me for my entire life. They were always there whenever I needed them.

Grandpa was the kind of man who loved to tell stories. He could talk your ear off about this place, and the people who lived there, and the things that they did. He had a story for everything and everyone we ever came across. It amazes me to this day how many of the random stories that he told me have stuck with me. At the time I thought I was just listening to make him happy, but so much of it is up there in my head and it jumps out and surprises me when I'm not expecting it.

I still have a hard time thinking about him missing my wedding (he passed away 5 months before) and my heart aches wishing he could have met K. He would have adored her. I can picture her stealing his cowboy hat and sitting on his lap at the kitchen counter. He would have loved to hear her tell him that the horse says "neigh" and showing her pictures of all the horses he's owned in his life. They would have been buddies like he and I were, I just know it.

I would give anything to go for another car ride with him and have him tell me stories about all the things we pass, or go for a walk in the woods with him. I miss you Grandpa, and I love you every day!

Riding in one of his buggys with him

Up on one of his horses at 3 years old!

Hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa 1990

Monday, January 16, 2012

I guess she's done...

It's been almost 4 days since K breastfed during the day! I cannot believe that she just stopped like that. She's still asking for it at bedtime and gets up once during the night, but I am so happy to go about my day doing things without having to sit down so she can snack 6-8 times a day! Don't get me wrong, I loved breastfeeding and the bonding time it gave K and I, but I was ready to be done with it. Fifteen months was more than enough for me.

On the weight loss front I am now down eight pounds! I know it doesn't sound a lot but every pound I loose is one step closer to getting healthier, one step closer to having another baby and one step closer to feeling good about myself! So I'm going to count ever pound as a victory!

Friday, January 13, 2012

No Breastfeeding!!!

Not only did she not breastfeed today, she didn't even ask me to! I am at a loss for words. I can't believe it happened and I'm thoroughly convinced that it has to be a fluke! I hid the Boppy pillow first thing this morning when she wasn't paying attention and I'm wondering if that had something to do with it. I've had a hunch for awhile that part of her attachment to the whole thing has a lot to do with the pillow. So I thought I would make it disappear to see what would happen... and viola!

I had to ask if she wanted to before she went to bed because I didn't want to risk her being up a million times tonight, but I hope tomorrow is just like today. I'm so excited that she seems to be making this decision on her own, I was worried I may have to push her into it before she was ready. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

stupid goldfish and their salty goodness!

Today is day 2 and let me tell you... all was well today until K wanted an afternoon snack and I poured some whole grain goldfish in a bowl for her. She kept offering to share them with me like the sweet kid she is but of course mommy had to say "no thank you sweetie". Do you know how hard it was for me to turn down the salty goodness of goldfish? Especially when a super cute blue eyed baby girl was holding them up to my mouth and offering to share? I pretended to take a few of them because it made her happy, but man that was a test of my willpower!

Overall though today went well, I can't get over how I'm not really hungry. I feel satisfied, I wasn't sure that I would. I thought I would be starving all the time! This morning I made ham and cheese omelets for K and I, and I think she liked it. She gobbled it up before I could even sit down with mine! This afternoon I made a turkey roll up with some veggies in the middle and dinner was a chicken saute with a side salad. S was really worried about all this "health food" but he said he actually enjoyed dinner tonight so I guess he's coming around!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Day 1

Today was the first day of my new lifestyle. That's right, I refuse to call it a diet, it's a lifestyle change. I'm learning to cook and eat healthier so that I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Therefore it's not a diet. Went grocery shopping this morning and stocked up on all the things I'll need to make my meals for the rest of the week.

I did eat a banana this morning for breakfast because I wasn't stocked up yet and it was a better option than hubby's sugary cereal. I had an egg for lunch, a string cheese for a snack and a salad for dinner! Tonight I want to hard boil some eggs to keep on hand and whip up some egg scramblers to freeze so I have them on hand. Plus make some sugar free jello jilgglers so I have some type of "sweet" snack. I am so excited about this, I really hope that with all the support I'm getting I can stick to it and really make this work!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The (not so) Skinny

So I wrote a while back about losing weight and how things were going well. They WERE going well, then those stinking rotten holidays snuck up and shoved cookies down my throat. And of course those cookies were followed up with mounds of mashed potatoes, glasses of booze, pies, pies and more pies, plus all those sneaky carbs that jump out and attack you. I've been slacking to say the least! So I've been trying to make some choices about how to move on from here. I've had good luck so far with simply cutting back, but I've reached the stage where that is no longer working for me and I need to find another way to keep progressing.

My SIL and BIL have started the South Beach and I've been doing some research and trying to figure out if it's a good fit for me too. It will be helpful to have others around me that are following a similar program and hopefully we can lean on each other when we're feeling weak! I've been mulling over this for a few days and I think it's worth a shot and hopefully it will kick my rather large behind into gear!

Hubby on the other hand is not so enthusiastic. He's whining and crying about how I'm not going to be using bread, and there won't be mashed potatoes on his plate every night at dinner anymore. After a long talk the other night about how much I hate the person that stares back from the mirror at me and how hot that girl was that he danced with at his sisters wedding back in 2008. (That was me by the way). I also explained to him that I'm terrified that if I get pregnant again at this weight that I'll just keep adding on and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off. So no more babies until I loose 30lbs. (Please dear God don't let that take me too long!) I think I have him on board now, I think he gets that I won't be happy and feel good about myself until I'm back under and well below the 200 mark. I know I'll probably never be the 140 I was at seventeen but I would be thrilled with 170 or even 160.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Oh how I have missed you....

Holiday craziness... enough said! As I sit here I wonder how I ever thought I could sit down and write a full sentence with an almost 15 month running around like someone let her drink a pot of coffee.

I have no idea how I've ended up with a toddler but somewhere along the lines it happened. She's not just walking anymore, she's running. Words are coming out her mouth right and left, some are cute and some are making me think mommy and daddy need a swear jar in the house! She's up to 9 teeth and working on number 10 and in the last few days has decided nursing isn't as important as it was a week ago.

This is a big part of why I've been away so long. I want to wean, she wasn't showing interest and it was making me miserable and frustrated. So after consenting to wait until after the holidays to push the issue she randomly has decided to start dropping nursing sessions one after the other! I hope to God she continues to do so! I don't mind if she hangs on to morning or evening sessions for now but I'd like to not have a pointy-teethed toddler hanging from my breasts 8 times a day while I try to figure out times to clean, do dishes, do laundry, grocery shop... you get the point!

Meanwhile the farmhouse has been overrun with new and ~~loud~~ interesting toys that have minds of their own and like to scare the shit out of me at 11pm when I'm turning out the lights and heading up the stairs to bed! K had a very special Christmas and we blessed with many many new treasures from all the people who love her. Mommy couldn't get the tree down fast enough so that I could have more space to store said treasures! The rest of the Christmas decor is still up but dammit that tree is GONE! Haha!

The rest my friends will have to wait until later because my mind reading child has listened to my thoughts and knows I was talking about how well she was doing with nursing and has decided now sounds like a good time for a snack!