And On This Farm

Monday, January 9, 2012

Day 1

Today was the first day of my new lifestyle. That's right, I refuse to call it a diet, it's a lifestyle change. I'm learning to cook and eat healthier so that I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Therefore it's not a diet. Went grocery shopping this morning and stocked up on all the things I'll need to make my meals for the rest of the week.

I did eat a banana this morning for breakfast because I wasn't stocked up yet and it was a better option than hubby's sugary cereal. I had an egg for lunch, a string cheese for a snack and a salad for dinner! Tonight I want to hard boil some eggs to keep on hand and whip up some egg scramblers to freeze so I have them on hand. Plus make some sugar free jello jilgglers so I have some type of "sweet" snack. I am so excited about this, I really hope that with all the support I'm getting I can stick to it and really make this work!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The (not so) Skinny

So I wrote a while back about losing weight and how things were going well. They WERE going well, then those stinking rotten holidays snuck up and shoved cookies down my throat. And of course those cookies were followed up with mounds of mashed potatoes, glasses of booze, pies, pies and more pies, plus all those sneaky carbs that jump out and attack you. I've been slacking to say the least! So I've been trying to make some choices about how to move on from here. I've had good luck so far with simply cutting back, but I've reached the stage where that is no longer working for me and I need to find another way to keep progressing.

My SIL and BIL have started the South Beach and I've been doing some research and trying to figure out if it's a good fit for me too. It will be helpful to have others around me that are following a similar program and hopefully we can lean on each other when we're feeling weak! I've been mulling over this for a few days and I think it's worth a shot and hopefully it will kick my rather large behind into gear!

Hubby on the other hand is not so enthusiastic. He's whining and crying about how I'm not going to be using bread, and there won't be mashed potatoes on his plate every night at dinner anymore. After a long talk the other night about how much I hate the person that stares back from the mirror at me and how hot that girl was that he danced with at his sisters wedding back in 2008. (That was me by the way). I also explained to him that I'm terrified that if I get pregnant again at this weight that I'll just keep adding on and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off. So no more babies until I loose 30lbs. (Please dear God don't let that take me too long!) I think I have him on board now, I think he gets that I won't be happy and feel good about myself until I'm back under and well below the 200 mark. I know I'll probably never be the 140 I was at seventeen but I would be thrilled with 170 or even 160.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Oh how I have missed you....

Holiday craziness... enough said! As I sit here I wonder how I ever thought I could sit down and write a full sentence with an almost 15 month running around like someone let her drink a pot of coffee.

I have no idea how I've ended up with a toddler but somewhere along the lines it happened. She's not just walking anymore, she's running. Words are coming out her mouth right and left, some are cute and some are making me think mommy and daddy need a swear jar in the house! She's up to 9 teeth and working on number 10 and in the last few days has decided nursing isn't as important as it was a week ago.

This is a big part of why I've been away so long. I want to wean, she wasn't showing interest and it was making me miserable and frustrated. So after consenting to wait until after the holidays to push the issue she randomly has decided to start dropping nursing sessions one after the other! I hope to God she continues to do so! I don't mind if she hangs on to morning or evening sessions for now but I'd like to not have a pointy-teethed toddler hanging from my breasts 8 times a day while I try to figure out times to clean, do dishes, do laundry, grocery shop... you get the point!

Meanwhile the farmhouse has been overrun with new and ~~loud~~ interesting toys that have minds of their own and like to scare the shit out of me at 11pm when I'm turning out the lights and heading up the stairs to bed! K had a very special Christmas and we blessed with many many new treasures from all the people who love her. Mommy couldn't get the tree down fast enough so that I could have more space to store said treasures! The rest of the Christmas decor is still up but dammit that tree is GONE! Haha!

The rest my friends will have to wait until later because my mind reading child has listened to my thoughts and knows I was talking about how well she was doing with nursing and has decided now sounds like a good time for a snack!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A year of K... 2011

Look how much our Bug grew this year!

All three of us - Jan 2011

K sat up for the first time -Feb 2011

K's first St. Patty's Day - March 2011

Easter - April 2011

Mother's Day - May 2011

Sweet Summertime - June 2011

Rubber Duckie - July 2011

Cool Chicka - Aug 2011

Daddy's Girl - Sept 2011

Birthday Girl - Oct 2011

Fall - Nov 2011

Merry Christmas - Dec 2011

Monday, November 14, 2011

Afternoon Out!

Yesterday S and I went on an afternoon date! YAYAYAYAY! We haven't been on a date in several months and it was so nice to be out with just the two of us! We went and had lunch at Chili's and then went to see Footloose.
While mommy and daddy were out enjoying our alone time, Miss K was here being entertained by three aunts and uncles and three cousins! She is so blessed to have so much family that loves her and wants to spend time with her! She was such a good girl for them and was such a happy little girl when we got home. I don't think she even missed us! Haha!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

attachment, self soothing, blah blah blah!

I have failed somewhere along the way to teach my daughter how to soothe herself. I don't know how or when but when this child is upset about something the ONLY way to calm her, is to nurse her. Which is heart-wrenching to a mommy who is attempting to do some weaning! If something wakes her up during a nap or in the night she is wide awake and there is nothing (NOTHING) I can do to calm her down, except nurse her. No amount of mommy shushing her, rocking her, telling her it will be ok, or back rubbing calms her down. It mostly just serves to piss her off even more. I don't know how we got here. Well, I do. I just can't imagine that I let it get here. I hoped that I could get her attached to something to help this process along. We tried a ribbie blanky, a stuffed animal, and a blanket, none of which she ever showed any interest in. We started putting them in her crib and putting my scent on them around 8 months and she could have cared less. I'm the only thing that can calm her. OH BOY!!

Am I the only mom who thinks things like "With the next baby I will do this, this and this" or "I have to remember to this differently next time so that we don't encounter 'X' situation"? I can't be, we have to learn from our "mistakes" right? Ugh. I hate writing posts like this because I feel like I'm admitting I was wrong, but I guess it's a growing and learning experience. Admitting I was wrong was never something I was good at before, I would fight to the bitter end, even knowing I was wrong just because I REFUSED to admit it. So I guess this is therapy! *wink, wink*

Monday, November 7, 2011

Have I told you??

Have I told you that I started a business not too long ago? I've been messing around making things for kids and decided to start putting it on facebook. So far I've been making tutu's, hair bows, holder for hair bows and some other things here and there. If you saw K-bugs birthday pictures you saw some of my work. I made her tutu, shirt, and her leggings! I'm pretty proud of it and have been enjoying it. So far I've made several bows for customers, seven tutu's and two hair bow holders! I'm loving every minute of it. Go check it out when you have some time. Click here to see The Littlest Ladybug. Of course the name was inspired by my sweet little "Bug"! <3

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sleep

So here's the deal. K is one year old now, she's still breastfed, and she is still getting up three to four times a night... OR MORE! I have loved breastfeeding. LOVED IT! It's been so amazing and I'm really not ready to completely give it up. I enjoy the bond that Bug and I have because of it and I adore the quiet few minutes that I get to snuggle my otherwise busy toddler. But (yes there is a but...) I need some sleep. I really, and truly need some sleep. I would be totally happy with one or even two times a night but four and five times is really just too much. I feel like a walking zombie most days and I cannot keep living on coffee.

My problem.... I don't know what to do.

I don't know anyone that has been in the same situation. My best friends little guy is an AMAZING sleeper and has been since he was tiny. My sister in laws son self weaned at around nine months and truly not many of my other friends breastfed. Those that did all had pretty good sleepers. So what's a momma to do? I've read 3 different books, I don't like or don't see where the "solutions" these books offer will work for our family.

So many books and even those I've talked to say to have dad go in and comfort the baby well the times we've tried this it just makes her so angry that we end up with an even bigger and longer fight on our hands. Not to mention S is a very, very heavy sleeper and needs his sleep, the man works 14+ hours a day for goodness sake! Another suggestion we've had from K's doctor and lots of other moms I know is to just let her cry herself back to sleep. Well, we've been doing that, for months and things aren't changing. I was told that in a week or so that they would realize they don't need you to put them back to sleep and they would go to sleep on their own. Well that doesn't work for us.

Then I get on breastfeeding websites and everyone's talking about how it's normal and fine. That all babies are different and it's OK if your baby doesn't sleep through the night until they're three, four, five years old. That it doesn't bother these mom's because they co-sleep, or they enjoy the snuggle time, etc... Well maybe I'm a bad mom, but I'm exhausted. My tiredness is affecting my ability to play and enjoy my child throughout the day. I'm resenting her for getting up so many times. I'm snapping at my husband when I truly don't mean to. I need some goddamn sleep! Like I said if I could get her down to 2 times a night I would be THRILLED. I honestly don't mind getting up twice, we did that for like a month before she reverted back to the schedule we have now and I loved it, I was better rested, happier person. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Maybe I'm a bad mom, maybe I'm selfish, but I really don't think I'm asking for too much here.

So if you're out there, reading this (by the way if you've made it this far through that bumbling mess, kudos to you!!!) and you have tips for a sleep deprived momma who doesn't want to give up breastfeeding all together but just wants a few extra hours of sleep. Well then I want to hear from you... email me, comment, something to help a girl out!!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Birthday Pictures!

Way back on September 27th we were supposed to have K's pictures and some family shots taken for her first birthday, but thanks to the ridiculous amounts of rain we've had this fall we had to reschedule the shoot about 3 times! FINALLY yesterday we managed to get them done. Despite the wind gusts and 40 degree temperatures K stuck it out like a trooper! Our photographer Brie Homer posted a sneak peak on her FB page if you want to check it out...click here! While you're over there make sure you "like" her! She was so great with K and really brought out some cute smiles! Can't wait to see the rest of the pictures in a few weeks!

Friday, October 21, 2011

A MONTH! (picture heavy)

Good Lord, how has it been a month since the last time I was here? For two weeks I was without a computer, our darn cord shorted out or something and we couldn't get a charge. Before that I've just been so busy planning K-bugs birthday party I haven't had time to sit and think. I also started my own business, I don't think I've told you that before. Search for me on Facebook it's called The Littlest Ladybug. I make tutu's, bows, bow holders, etc...

Anyways I'm back and I promise not to ditch you all again, because I just know how much you can't live without me. (HAHA very funny, I'm sure like all of 5 people actually read this thing!) Let's see what I can catch you all up on... we still haven't had K's birthday pictures done, we've had to re-schedule about three times thanks to all this lovely weather. We did however get our own shots of her cake smash... FABULOUS!

On the 26th S and I celebrated our second anniversary! We got to go out to dinner, just the two of us! K stayed here at the farm with her Uncle Ian and Aunt Danielle. I think she has a blast, slept like a rock that night! We also finally have the living room done! Walls are painted, carpet is installed, and all the furniture is arranged just the way I want it. I still have things to hang on the walls but I haven't picked just where I want it all yet!

Like I mentioned this past Saturday was Bug's first birthday party. It was fantastic! She was blessed with so many of the people we love all around us and more gifts than we know what to do with! And if I may say so myself she looked completely precious in the outfit that I made for her!

Now, on to the pictures!!